


Shoe Yourself

by holographicbubbles



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: DUDE MAKE SOME SHOES, Gen, anyway thanks. i hate it, in which the author wasn't actually on crack, it was just a typo, make a necklace for all i care, please don't take it seriously, ravrav you killed me, take my bones and do cool things with them, this is a crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:09:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25817074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holographicbubbles/pseuds/holographicbubbles
Summary: She was a wild spirit, and wild spirits don't wear shoes.ᵈᶦˢᶜˡᵃᶦᵐᵉʳ: ᵈᵒ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵗᵃᵏᵉ ᵗʰᶦˢ ˢᵉʳᶦᵒᵘˢˡʸ. ˡᵒᵒᵏ ʷʰᵒ ᶦ ʷʳᵒᵗᵉ ᶦᵗ ᶠᵒʳ.ⁿᵒᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ ᵍᵒᵒᵈ ᶜᵃⁿ ᵉᵛᵉʳ ᶜᵒᵐᵉ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵗʰᵉ ᵗʷᵒ ᵒᶠ ᵘˢ. ᶦᶠ ʸᵒᵘ ⁿᵉᵉᵈ ᵖʳᵒᵒᶠ ʲᵘˢᵗ ʳᵉᵃᵈ ᵒᵘʳ ᶜᵒᵐᵐᵉⁿᵗ ᵗʰʳᵉᵃᵈˢ ᵒⁿᵉˡˢᵃᵐᵃʳᵉⁿ ᵈʳᵃᵇᵇˡᵉˢᵒʳ ᵒⁿ ᵖʳᵉᵗᵗʸ ᵐᵘᶜʰ ᵃⁿʸ ᵒᶠ ᵐʸ ᵒᵗʰᵉʳ ʷᵒʳᵏˢ...ʸᵒᵘ ʷᵉʳᵉ ʷᵃʳⁿᵉᵈ.
Relationships: Anna & Elsa (Disney)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 13





	Shoe Yourself

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ravrav](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=ravrav).



> this was born from my unfortunate typo during one of our probably-too-regular-for-us-to-be-okay midnight conversations in which we try and fail to force each other to sleep:
> 
> oh look i can't go to sleep now shoe yourself is on  
> shoe yourself oh my god
> 
> SHOE YOURSELF?!?!  
> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
> OH MY GOD  
> I'M CRYING  
> THIS IS SO GOOD
> 
> i actually choked on air cause i tried not to laugh  
> actually i wanna write something called shoe yourself  
> no idea what it would be about  
> WAIT F***  
> shoe-store au because that makes sense
> 
> I WANT A FIC WHERE ELSA IS LIVING IN THE WOODS BAREFOOT AND ANNA IS HAVING NONE OF IT AND SHE JUST YEETS A SHOE AT HER WHILE SINGING SHOE YOURSELF
> 
> so, here is my fulfillment of that prompt (not the shoe-store one that i came up with because that sucked). and it's utter crack.  
> enjoy.  
> or don't.

Ow, Elsa thought, maybe she shouldn't have done that. 

Or maybe the rock shouldn't have been there in the first place. That was a better solution, because how was she supposed to know that jumping on it would cut the bottom of her foot?

Yeah, she decided, a much better solution.

It wasn't like it could have been prevented by wearing a pair of shoes.

 _Shoes._ Elsa despised shoes.

She was a wild spirit, and wild spirits don't wear shoes.

"And why," Anna's eye twitched, "don't wild spirits wear shoes?" she hissed. Her gaze was focused on Elsa's foot. "Because, you know, _this_ could have been prevented. _By wearing shoes."_

Elsa shrugged. "I've had enough of shoes," she said, simply, instead of actually answering. Because that would mean going into a lot more detail about the time a fire ant got stuck inside her shoe and that would mean explaining why there was a fire ant and then it would mean explaining why-

Elsa was a wild spirit, and shoes tied her down. 

_Heh,_ she thought next. _Tied. That's funny 'cause-_

Maybe that weird drink Honeymaren gave her to force her to fall asleep so that she would stop protesting her foot being bandaged was finally starting to kick in. 

* * *

"Oh good," a sarcastic voice called through Elsa's grogginess. "Everyone's favorite idiot has awoken."

"I'm not an idiot," Elsa protested, but come to think of it-

"Really?" Elsa could see the face of the person the voice belonged to now, which was great, because said person was Honeymaren. 

"Great," she said. "You're even less likely to let me walk past this than Anna is."

"Maybe you could have walked past this if you had worn shoes," Maren retorted, unkindly, which Elsa didn't like all that much. "But because you're _an idiot,_ now you're going to have to recover first."

"Recovery," Anna hissed, from behind Maren. Her cheeks were bright red and puffed out. "Wouldn't need to happen if you just wore shoes." 

"But-"

"No _buts,"_ Anna interjected, hands hidden behind her back. Honeymaren stood next to her, arms crossed. "Even wild spirits wear shoes."

Elsa grumbled, "tell that to Bruni, then. I'm pretty sure _he_ doesn't wear shoes," she paused. "So why should I?"

"BECAUSE BRUNI IS A LIZARD, ELSA, AND YOU ARE A HUMAN," Anna screamed, refraining herself from lurching forward and grabbing Elsa by her shoulders. _"AND HUMANS WEAR SHOES!"_

* * *

Elsa ran. 

From the two maniacal people trying to convince her to wear shoes, because why should she when Bruni didn’t have to? 

She scoffed. _Unfair._

But she could hear Anna not far behind, which was annoying, because she really just wanted to get away.   
  
“Shoe yourself,” Anna sang, and Elsa wasn’t quite sure what to think.

A sound escaped her lips, not quite a snort and sounding more like a sneeze, as she tried and failed to hold back a laugh.

“Please put some shoes on,” Anna continued singing. “Because you and I know you wouldonlybenefit-“ she took a gasping breath before continuing, “you need some shoes to not hurt yourself! Every single day!”

Elsa faltered, then chuckled. 

“Oh shoe yourself, let me give you some shoooeeesss!”

_No,_ Elsa thought, but didn’t say. 

She was a wild spirit and wild spirits don’t wear shoes. 

Anna grumbled and Elsa could hear her pacing speeding up as the sound of her footfalls grew more rapid.

And so Elsa ran again, too.

“Come to me now,” Anna huffed behind her, “I have your _desperatelyneeded_ shoes!”

Elsa winced, landing too hard on her injured foot. She could hear Maren’s voice - and for the record,  _Anna’s,_ nagging her about it. _'And that would have never happened if you had just worn shoes!'_

But wild spirits don’t wear shoes.

“Don’t be barefoot!” Elsa was sure Anna was trying to sing, but between her anger, annoyance, and the fact that she was chasing down her sister, it came out like more of a screech. “One moment more!”

 _No,_ Elsa thought for a second time. She turned around to stick her tongue out at her sister-

And something hit her flat in the face. 

_Ow,_ Elsa thought, as she felt her balance sliding away-

 _Heh,_ she giggled, _sliding, like how the ground is sliding up really close to my face which is kinda weird but okay-_

Anna rushed to her side, genuine concern filtering through malicious intent. "I'm _so_ sorry!" 

"But," she continued, leaning over Elsa and picking up whatever the thing she'd thrown at her was. "Now that we're here, _I might as well..."_

Through groggy eyes, Elsa got a glimpse of the thing Anna had thrown at her. _A shoe,_ she noticed, before falling back to the floor. 

And putting two and two and three and four together meant-

 _Great,_ thought Elsa, _because who has the strength to get away when their head hurts like_ this? 

_Not you, that's who._

One of Anna's hands flew deftly into her pocket, reemerging seconds later with a once-crisp, but now wrinkled, pair of white socks in tow. Elsa tried to move away - to inch away, even, because why should she wear socks-

Anna grabbed her ankle and shoved her foot inside the wool. "Where the bare foot meets the sock," she sang, starting to mimic their mother's lullaby. Elsa wiggled her foot but Anna's grip held strong. _"Stop moving or I'll throw another shoe at you,"_ she hissed, before continuing with her parody. "There's a shoe, waiting to be put on..."

Elsa tensed at the thought of _another_ shoe being thrown at her. Her body stayed taught as Anna shoved both shoes that she held onto Elsa's feet.

These shoes, Elsa noticed as her eyes scanned them with disdain, were _thankfully_ not like the old Arendellian, fancy-shmancy, royal, princess-y shoes she normally had to wear. In fact, they were a lot closer to what Maren wore.

And that was better.

Not perfect, perfect was barefoot, but Anna looked happy. 

(Pleased, really, with a satisfied, smug and malicious grin plastered across her freckled face.)

But still, that was enough. 

"See, that wasn't so bad!" Anna sang.

And Elsa laughed, because, "I AM SHOOOOEEEED!" 

Anna giggled as she stood, reaching a hand down to help Elsa to her feet, now covered in shoes. "Shoe yourself," she tried to sing between her gasps of laughter. 

"Step into your power."

 _Heh,_ Elsa thought, _step into your power. That's funny-_

* * *

Later that night, Elsa lay with ice pressed to the bridge of her nose, trying to keep the bruise that threatened to swell at bay. No thanks to Anna's apparently pinpoint shoe-throwing abilities.

Ow, Elsa thought, maybe she should have just worn shoes in the first place. 

And then this wouldn't have happened. 

* * *

"You know you can take off the shoes to go to sleep, right?"

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for everyone who read this  
> to be fair i did warn you
> 
> anyway now who wants to hear about that thing i wrote when i was twelve that accidentally predicted frozen 2


End file.
